I finally said what i wanted to say to xuan, i think i took this long just to do this cuz i kept trying to find the prime opportunity where the setting was right, the tone was right. But i realise the most important thing was none of the above but the content that i was going to say.
I'm glad i finally did.
At least now she knows how i feel and not from others but from me. I wouldn say everything is perfectly fine between us, cause there's still much animosity between us. Reading her blog, i find that she misunderstood me in a lot of ways, i can defend my case here but I'm not going to cuz i know its hurting her and i'm kinda worried for her health. Things are not going to be the same anymore, but i'm just going to try to make it better. Hopefully time will heal the wound. I've been told that i'm naive but i'll still give it a try. Not going to let this be a regret that i will carry on when i'm older. Hope and faith will be my angels from now.
Throughout these few days, i did a lot of thinking and buckets of tears poured. I realise what xuan said was true, that we will learn from this and grow from it. I looked through my old diaries, remembering how i always let the problem go by and not wanting to deal with it, thinking just by ignoring it and it goes away through time, everything is gonna be fine. But not this time. I told dan that i'm not going to take the easy road by just letting this friendship slip by. This time i'm gonna face it and deal with it, even it is difficult. Dan said i lacked the courage, and its true, i did. So from now on i'm just gonna be brave.
This has given me a whole new perspective on friends. From now on, i'm not gonna keep things bottled up inside. Settle the problem directly. There's this saying, solve the problem with your brother before the sun goes down ( or somewhere along that line). I'll always remember this lesson learnt, thanks to my good friend xuan that taught met to see this through a hard way for both me and her.
Where does the cool crew go from here, i dont know. Just looking at pictures brought back so many memories, making me laugh and cry at the same time.
"Whatever tomorrow brings i'll just be there, with open arms and open eyes." , Love Ashley Sunday, July 27, 2008
How did it become like this?
I wanted to tell right from the start, but i didn know how to.
I'm not very good with these situations and truthfully it takes a lot for me to share how i feel deep down, and all i wanted is for the gang to be the way its always been.
But the very thing i tried so hard to prevent just happened.
It sorta backfired on me. The very situation of secrecy and compromised trust that i did not want to happen, just landed on me unknowingly and unintentionally.
I didn mean to keep it a secret, it was just something that i will tell soon but finding the right opportunity was difficult.
Reading her blog just killed me inside.
I really really did not know all that was happening. If i knew, i'll definitely went and do something about it. But i always thought she just needed time to cool so i gave her that. I wish i could just have turned back the hands of time so that i would have done things differently if i'd known. But who am i to predict the future?
The things she's done for me i really do appreciate them. Like how she's always looking out for me and reminding me things, cuz due to my nature i would have totally forgotten .
Sometimes when my friends hurt me, i'll just swallow it up and after a while i'll be ok. I hate confrontations thats explains why i dont usually flare up. I remember the question that why do i not get angry, and this is my answer. Once i have cooled down, it'll just be a thing in the past, deleting the grudge born. It takes a lot to even say this bit.
I want to make things right between us and i'm not going to give up so easily. I'm just holding onto this glimmer of hope that all of would too. , Love Ashley Saturday, July 26, 2008
Class Phototaking Day
our props for the day was SHADES!
We almost couldn get to wear it in our photos, thanks to the horrid photographer.
But i think the ones we took ourselves are WAY better!
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, Love Ashley Saturday, July 12, 2008
Friday @ Sentosa
The past few days has been a blast!A good break from the mugger life.
More updates and pics to come.
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, Love Ashley Thursday, July 10, 2008
hollaLabels: holla ppl chilling with my iPod in town
, Love Ashley Monday, July 07, 2008
Books to the ceiling,
Books to the sky,
My pile of books is a mile high.
How I love them! How I need them!
I'll have a long beard by the time I read them.
haha happened to see this poem while discussing for class tee with vane timo and mart. , Love Ashley Sunday, July 06, 2008
