How did it become like this?
I wanted to tell right from the start, but i didn know how to.
I'm not very good with these situations and truthfully it takes a lot for me to share how i feel deep down, and all i wanted is for the gang to be the way its always been.
But the very thing i tried so hard to prevent just happened.
It sorta backfired on me. The very situation of secrecy and compromised trust that i did not want to happen, just landed on me unknowingly and unintentionally.
I didn mean to keep it a secret, it was just something that i will tell soon but finding the right opportunity was difficult.
Reading her blog just killed me inside.
I really really did not know all that was happening. If i knew, i'll definitely went and do something about it. But i always thought she just needed time to cool so i gave her that. I wish i could just have turned back the hands of time so that i would have done things differently if i'd known. But who am i to predict the future?
The things she's done for me i really do appreciate them. Like how she's always looking out for me and reminding me things, cuz due to my nature i would have totally forgotten .
Sometimes when my friends hurt me, i'll just swallow it up and after a while i'll be ok. I hate confrontations thats explains why i dont usually flare up. I remember the question that why do i not get angry, and this is my answer. Once i have cooled down, it'll just be a thing in the past, deleting the grudge born. It takes a lot to even say this bit.
I want to make things right between us and i'm not going to give up so easily. I'm just holding onto this glimmer of hope that all of would too. , Love Ashley Saturday, July 26, 2008
