I finally said what i wanted to say to xuan, i think i took this long just to do this cuz i kept trying to find the prime opportunity where the setting was right, the tone was right. But i realise the most important thing was none of the above but the content that i was going to say.
I'm glad i finally did.
At least now she knows how i feel and not from others but from me. I wouldn say everything is perfectly fine between us, cause there's still much animosity between us. Reading her blog, i find that she misunderstood me in a lot of ways, i can defend my case here but I'm not going to cuz i know its hurting her and i'm kinda worried for her health. Things are not going to be the same anymore, but i'm just going to try to make it better. Hopefully time will heal the wound. I've been told that i'm naive but i'll still give it a try. Not going to let this be a regret that i will carry on when i'm older. Hope and faith will be my angels from now.
Throughout these few days, i did a lot of thinking and buckets of tears poured. I realise what xuan said was true, that we will learn from this and grow from it. I looked through my old diaries, remembering how i always let the problem go by and not wanting to deal with it, thinking just by ignoring it and it goes away through time, everything is gonna be fine. But not this time. I told dan that i'm not going to take the easy road by just letting this friendship slip by. This time i'm gonna face it and deal with it, even it is difficult. Dan said i lacked the courage, and its true, i did. So from now on i'm just gonna be brave.
This has given me a whole new perspective on friends. From now on, i'm not gonna keep things bottled up inside. Settle the problem directly. There's this saying, solve the problem with your brother before the sun goes down ( or somewhere along that line). I'll always remember this lesson learnt, thanks to my good friend xuan that taught met to see this through a hard way for both me and her.
Where does the cool crew go from here, i dont know. Just looking at pictures brought back so many memories, making me laugh and cry at the same time.
"Whatever tomorrow brings i'll just be there, with open arms and open eyes." , Love Ashley Sunday, July 27, 2008
